I’m beginning to feel like hell is growing up and living a life long enough to see those I love die off. Understanding that I too will become one of those dead; helpless to break this cycle aside from breaking myself away from everyone and everything that has given my life meaning. The dream of hermitting away as I’m forgotten to spare anyone the pain of loss, but even then in that dream is the clarity of my own hypocrisy and selfishness. …


Rebels confirmed that man on Endor was Rex. So I built him.

It’s easy for me to forget that The Rise of Skywalker is going to inspire a new generation of fans to create and explore within the larger StarWars universe. To spend hours, days, years and decades immersed within the fiction. All because of a movie they saw as kids. It took me a little over a month to remember that.

To remember that the feelings I have about the state of StarWars cinema were what people had when I was a kid watching the Prequels. Movies I loved that were understandably……. rough. But memes?

Yet as kids my friends and…


Years ago I used to be here a lot, writing, whatever it was that held my attention. That I felt I had something to say. Now the thoughts and voices in my head have become resigned.

At peace.

Less angry, less depressed. More happy and content. Sobering up, spending five years in the service industry. Countless adventures and experiences that shaped who I’ve become since my lows in 2014. And I still think about those times. The kid I was and the adult I’ve tried to become.

Credit card balance and all.

How to reconcile the fragments of me that…


It’s been two months since I got the closure my life needed, that I knew I needed for over a decade. I was too afraid to seek it out with my own hesitations and insecurities; becoming my own worst enemy in the process. Worrying about how everyone would react if I took that step instead of worrying about myself. And who I was becoming.

As I reread those words above I know now just how stupid I was; that’s not the person I was supposed to be yet it was the person I became through my own ignorance and dishonesty…


There was a piece that popped across my Google Feed today. Whose headline I cannot remember. But it was enough; enough to get me thinking about my relationship with Tinder. The sort of “swipe” on-demand casual dating culture that’s become associated with my generation.

Appropriate given it’s Valentines week.

And as I get these thoughts in my mind aligned I’m coming to terms that I am not the person most of my friends or family know me. Rather. …


Normalcy

For the first time in a month I felt like myself. As my emotions, fluid as of late, finally stabilized and my stamina for coping with my days reached a level where I can safely function. Humming along without crippling migraines or anger triggered by certain inconsistencies in my surrounding environment. Folding in jokes I haven’t made in weeks with coworkers or long-form Louis C.K-esque jokes with friends. A personality that I assume was missed by those around me.

With the occasional urges for something sweeter than water proving to be distracting when they hit. As my focus and attention…


Why is it so hard to say “hello” to that someone? Annoyed at first. Embarrassed with yourself even. That you can’t even muster the simplest form of engagement with them. This person. Who in your mind becomes a beacon of clarity. As you find yourself scrunching your eyebrows at the thought of them being on your mind to begin with. Wondering why they’d waste their time wasting your time as you waste their time straining for something beyond a “hello”. A clear sign that there was nothing to begin with.


Some Mood Swings

As the dependency and cravings subside I’ve felt… vulnerable as I relearn how to function through periods of high stress, demand and concentration. Since I’ve no longer got the caffeine to stop myself from feeling tired there has been a period of relearning. With tasks I’ve done daily for years taking on a newfound challenge throughout my days. Its taken me a bit by surprise. But I suppose that’s the trade-off of a bazillion articles on why you should stop a bad habit with almost none to be found dealing with the fallout after getting yourself clean.

Strange really. Because…


And Why I’m Not Stopping With A Week

I’d like to think a header like that would speak for itself. That it’s possible to live a life without the constant consumption of soda, coffee and all the delicious sweetnesses of modern drinks. No glamor of an app(s) dictating which trendy multi-national chain or corporation to support in my desire, need really, to get that surge of energy that brought my brain online day after day. Month after month. As these words come across the screen I’m not entirely certain why, exactly, I went cold turkey on caffeine.

Perhaps it was waking up from another restless night of sleep…


It was a notification on my iPhone to a piece I had written years ago that reminded me of you. Of this Medium. A space where I used to escape from the world, slow myself down and focus on my general interest of technology. Hammering out the ideas that bounce around in my head into something that made me feel a little less crazy. Maybe a little less lonely even. With a shared sense of interest among the wandering eyes of the Internet. Even as those words went down I could feel my general interest waning.

Looking back to it…

Weston Powers

I’m the guy who laughs at all the witty Profile Names but then gets sad that I’m not witty enough to think of one. Also Everything Bagel seasoning on everything

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